Welp, mom and dad are coming today. After about a three hour long discussion the other day about my "gayness" with my mom, who finally just said that she may never be okay with it but will be okay with me and would like to get to know Monica better, she is making the effort to come up here into my world. She even asked about my girl on the phone yesterday! So, I will certainly give her an A for effort!
It was interesting when Monica and I were watching "The Real L Word" series on HBO, there was a girl, Tracie, whose mom was also reallly struggling to accept that her daughter was a lesbian. She kept saying that maybe Tracie was "confused". Sad to see that it had been like three years since she had come out to her mom and she couldn't even really talk about her girlfriend on the phone to her.
My own girlfriend recently told her parents what was going on. They live clear accross the country so she was able to sort of hide her impending divorce until their separation was well under way. Her parents told her how much they love her and they were naturally shocked and sad for her. I am sure they are fearful of her future as it was a stable, albeit lonely one, with her husband. This was several weeks ago--they haven't spoken with her since.
I guess it is hard for me because I understand the shock that must be going through everyone's head. People think that we are having some sort of a midlife crisis or something. Who knows? Maybe we are! But I know this--we are great loving moms and would NEVER EVER in a million years so drastically shake the foundation of our children's lives over some fleeting confused idea. People seem to think that we just got together one day and said, "Hey, I gotta great idea! Let's become lesbians! Cool!" Hardly! This has not been without months of sleepless nights, heartache, tears, panic attacks, you name it. Our lives are irretrievably altered. And the ripples are fast and far reaching.
But what we both feel like screaming to the world is "Hello! It's me! See! I am still me!"
Oh, btw, I haven't put this in here because I simply skip around like stream of consciousness, but I was actually fired from teaching Sunday school because they had heard a rumor (from my ex-husband's small group) that I was gay--and I wasn't even out to the public at all! They must think I am a danger to small children! Well, that is the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life--because if they took out all the people in the church who sin, not only would there be nobody serving in that church, but they would have no parishioners either! It's not like I was showing up to teach Sunday school in rainbow gear! Nobody even knew about it except my ex husband, his PI who followed us around, and Monica! Absurd! Way to go, Northpoint Community Church! Stupid!
So, gear up for mom. Excited to see her--I just hope she doesn't drink to much because then she might not be able to help launching into a moral discussion of my current choices. Pray for me!
No comments:
Post a Comment