Taking Mom, Dad, and the kids to church today. Yes, to the church that fired me from teaching Sunday school--over an unconfirmed rumor of my gayness! Stupid! I even asked the lady when she called and told me to "step down", I said, "Why? Because I am such a danger to small children?" I actually really like the church, or LIKED the church I should say. It's one of those mega churches that I was once opposed to. The pastor is this amazing speaker, Andy Stanley, who actually spoke at O'Bamas inaugural prayer ceremony. Anyway, I like the church because it's like a rock and roll church and you can dress how you want and lots of people have freaky hair and tattoos....and of course alot of them don't too, but it's still really cool. Except that they are homophobic. Perhaps God will have some great loving message there for my mom to be receptive to today. Maybe I should try a gay church--they have them in the city.
Funny, I have never been on the recieving end of discrimination before. I don't usually discriminate based on race, sexualy orientation, etc., so I really didn't ever notice that it is really prevalent. Even when Monica and I go out on a date and hold hands or kiss eachother, most people either pretend not to notice or seem a little weirded out. My daughter even said to me, "Mom, I think you are pretty enough." to which I smiled and thanked her, because I am on the better side of average for sure, and she said, "You ought to be able to get a man." LOL! She just thought maybe I was desperate and that's why I am now with a woman! I told her I didn't expect her to understand becasue she is a boy crazy seven year old, and I didn't expect her to love it, since it does set her apart from other kids, but I do expect her to respect my choices and my happiness.
I don't want to have to defend my lesbianics. I never did like the gay pride bumper stickers since I always thought it was obnoxious to point out your orientation at all. Like I never had a sticker on my car that said, "I like men! I'm straight!" But I am now seeing that people are hateful, mean. It may be necessary to be obnoxious in defense of my love for Monica and my defense that I can still be a Christian too. That being gay and Christian are not mutually exclusive of eachother. Maybe the problem is just that I am living in the Atlanta suburbs where the people arouond her have their granny panties on too tight for comfort!
They should make a different word for "gay", because being gay is way harder than I ever thought it would be---never spent much time thinking on it since I was relatively certain that I wasn't. But there has been a lot going on that doesn't make me feel so gay (happy) these days. And yet, the minute I see her, she shoots an arrow straight through my heart. Every time I see her, it's like looking at an angel, and a love like this could only be the fingerprint of God himself.
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