Aaaaaaaaaaahhh, I had the most fantastic 24 hours with my girl. So amazing! We didn't really do anything except sit around snugglin', eating great food, drinking wine...........such a perfect day. Then when the time for her to leave starts approaching, I start getting a little bit sad. I know it's silly, but I miss her in an almost physical way when she walks out that door. I know she is just a few miles down the road, being with her kids, and I am here with mine.
Oh, how I wish we could simply integrated our lives! But I know that for now, and probably several years into the future, it simply will not be possible. Her boys will have a long road ahead when she decides to tell them. I wonder when she will feel that the time is right to do that? In a way, it's something I want her to put off forever. In another way, it's something I wish she would do NOW, and just get it over with.....let the process begin for them. They know their parents marriage is practically over....they are probably scared, wondering what life will look like for them, but they are also too scared to ask. I am sure, however, that in their wildest imagination, they are not picturing their future with a gay mom. I also know that they will HATE me, at least for a time, hopefully not forever. I also am pretty sure that when she tells them, things will, for a duration, look differently for her and me, that she won't be able to simply tell them, "I am going off to Stacy's house" and then come over here!
Her older son has a court appearance today and I have been praying that it will all be okay. He's been in some minor trouble, teenage stuff, but troubling still, to be sure. She is such a strong woman, such an amazing mom. I hurt to see her having to deal with this stuff, taking her boy to court. It scares me for him too, because he is a very unique and special kid, so smart and funny, so full of life and huge potential.....I don't want to see his future crippled by any stupid mistakes he's made and was unfortunate enough to get caught.
There's so much else on my mind..........but sittin her is making me sleepy, despite the coffee I am drinking, and there's no time for sleepiness. It's shower, get kids fed and off to school time, then hittin' the gym, studying, pickin up kids, soccer practice, tutoring a kid in math, dinner, bath, and beddy-bye time. Then, maybe I can relax and tell you all the other wierdness.
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